Our Next Sister Circle Event: Navigating Holiday Grief

Whew, chile. That’s all we can say. And if you’ve been feeling like we are feeling, this event is for you.

Join Black Women for Self and Kortlynn Jenae for a heartfelt gathering designed to support one another through the challenges of grief during the holiday season. This year’s theme: "Holding Space for Grief and Joy this Holiday Season."

This Sister Circle offers a safe, welcoming space for sharing, listening, and healing. Whether you’re grieving the loss of a loved one or navigating other forms of loss, this event is for you. We will explore ways to find comfort, understanding, and compassion during this difficult time.

A Behavioral Health Practitioner and Licensed Therapist will be present to provide guidance and insights to support your healing journey.

It’s a free event that you don’t want to miss. Click this link to register. We hope to see you there!

- Samjah Iman

You’ve Got The Right To Be Mad

Be mad. Don’t suppress your feelings. Let it out. Expressing your emotions is a form of radical self-care. We do not know what direction this country is headed in, but we do know that now is the time to really level up on our self-care. We don’t know what’s ahead but must be ready for whatever. And the only way to do that is to diligently care for yourself. This blog post won’t be long because I am still without words. I’m hurt, angry, appalled, but not surprised. The result of that election is one of the main reasons Black Women For Self was started. We don’t matter to our country, so we have to matter to us. Below are a few self-care suggestions you can implement into your daily routine during these times of uncertainty.

Choose you….always.

Self-care Tips for Black Women during times of Uncertainty

1. Scream - let your emotions out; do not suppress them

2. Engage with the sun - go outside and allow the sun to recharge you

3. Rest - choose to do nothing as often as you can

4. Move slow - don’t rush to do anything; take your time and go slow

5. Talk it out with Loved Ones - engage in healthy conversation with likeminded individuals

6. Breathe - deep breaths are medicine for your nervous system; take them often

This too shall pass,

- Samjah Iman

Come Celebrate With Us!

Time moves fast when you’re on a mission. We can’t believe it’s been a year since we set out to save ourselves and other Black women. It’s time to celebrate, y’all. Let’s honor our self-care progress and the benefits of putting us first. Come join us at our cute, one-year shindig, where we will be sipping champagne, noshing on desserts, honoring our partners, and basking in Black girl magic. Click this link to rsvp. We hope to see you there!

Save-the-date!!! 10/26/2024

When we started Black Women For Self, we wanted to be more intentional about caring for ourselves. We wanted to set ourselves up not only for a long life but also for a quality one. We wanted to go beyond the surface self-care and get into the depths of our souls with this self-love thing. We aimed to save us. And here we are a year later, having come so far but still having a way to go. 

We are proud of our progress, and even though this is just the beginning, we deserve to celebrate. Mark your calendars for October 26, 2024, as we plan to come together to honor our one-year self-care journey, acknowledge those who helped us get here, and dwell on our year of radical self-care and what's to come. Your support and participation have been instrumental in our journey, and we want you there to toast with us.

More details are on the way. Stay tuned!

- Samjah Iman

Don’t Wait

This year for me, Thanksgiving came a little early. Allow me to further explain. For the last few weeks, I’ve been in a quiet state of unrest. I was mostly just trying to get through the day and complete all the necessary functions that keep my life going smoothly. I remember the mind paralysis I felt right after I finished writing my to-do list. It was a lot just looking at it all on the page. As an incentive to dive in I said to myself, by the time I finish this list, many things about my life will be different. 

Some of the things on that to-do list were fun. This was also by design to give me incentive to dive in, but it never fails, when my to-do list gets too big, there’s a feeling of overwhelm until it’s either smaller or all done. Usually, by the time it's “all done,” I’ve accumulated another to-do list and the process is wash, rinse, and repeat. Does this sound familiar? The perceived impending doom of the never ending to do list can be extremely paralyzing and even scary, especially with the string of holidays coming up; but it doesn’t have to be (keep reading). 

Knowing that something needed to change because the things on that to-do list needed to get done, I innately went looking for answers, and before I knew it I was watching a Youtube video. I thought that video was totally unrelated to my to-do list issue until I heard Erin Lyons (fellow Black woman and mystic) talk about gratitude and the level of abundance that came from that for her. I, too, wanted abundance through gratitude. Most importantly, I wanted an abundance of time. I set out on my gratitude journey, and do you know I found that time? 

It was through gratitude that I was able to actually look at myself and pinpoint what I needed and what was most important. I found the time because I chose to table the list. My life didn’t revolve around that list, and I shouldn’t have given it that much space to the point of being overwhelmed. Gratitude guided me to take care of myself, especially before the holidays, and shifted my entire mindset. I also realized that my abundance of gratitude is infinite. I could spend the rest of my days counting my blessings and never run out because our Divine Creator is a never-run-out-of-blessings type God. 

Whether you’re grateful or thankful, whether you run, skip, or sashay to the blessings, know that they’re coming. Don’t wait until Thanksgiving to count your blessings and don’t allow yourself to get swept up in the holiday overwhelm. You get to decide what’s important, and it doesn’t include being pressed or stressed. Walk away from that giant to-do list, let yourself breathe, and always remember to count your blessings. 

xoxo,

Chaila

You Are Your Best Thing

“I’m about to run to the store,” I told my husband yesterday. My two-year-old overheard me and said, “I wanna go!” His eyes were big, and his demeanor was hopeful. He looked adorable; if I stared at him any longer, I would turn to mush and convince myself that he should take the journey to Whole Foods with me. But I couldn’t this time. The entire weekend had been filled with me and him, and I desperately needed some alone time - even if it was just a solo trip to the grocery store.

I stooped down to his level, looked into his eyes, and said, “I know you don’t understand now, but mommy needs this alone time. I’ll be right back.” Through his gentle sobs, he murmured, “O-tay.” He watched me through the window while I walked to my car. As I waved at him and hesitantly got in my vehicle, I thought about how, a year ago, I would have given in despite my needs and taken him with me to the store. But at this juncture, I understand self-care on a deeper level and that it’s not just about a day of getting my hair, nails, eyebrows, etc., done. It’s about my well-being and providing myself with what I need to be mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy enough to give my loved ones what they need. Simply put, I have to be nice to me to be my best for him.

I ran across the title of this blog from a sentence in Toni Morrison’s book Beloved. It made me think of how deep self-care goes, how we all are our best assets, and how we should treat ourselves as such. My actions above regarding the solo grocery store trip may seem minuscule, but that little gesture can save someone from a mental breakdown or panic attack. I’m learning that my self-care journey is all about nurturing myself from the inside out. Being acutely intentional about my well-being isn’t easy, but it is forcing me into a beautiful metamorphosis that feels healthy. Even when I’m inclined to give in and play the superwoman role, I remind myself that it won’t produce great results, thus leaving me feeling overburdened, resentful, and pissed off at myself for knowing better and not doing better. So, to help me negate the innate feeling of putting myself last, I am constantly checking in with myself, being aware of what I need, reaching out for help, looking for moments to rest, trying different healing techniques, and feeding my soul literature and information that highlights the benefits of radical self-care. I feel like I’m making my ancestors proud and, most importantly, I’m pleased with my progress.

This journey is not for the faint of heart but for the Black woman who wants to live a long, QUALITY life. Are you in?

Choose you,

- Samjah Iman

Also, we are trying to assemble something for our next gathering soon. You will be the first to know the details as soon as we have our plans.

Talk soon!

I’m Doing The Bare Minimum For The Month Of July

No one ever talks about how hard caring for yourself is, especially in this strange world we are living in. Maintaining your inner and outer being is a full-time gig. It's fun to post cute memes about loving ourselves on social media, but it's easy to drop the ball when actually doing the work.

It takes commitment to show up for yourself even when nothing seems to go your way, and I'm speaking from experience. I've had to push myself to do the work for myself these last few months because…burnout is real. I've been wrapped up in the "let's make this year count" rhetoric that I began to hit a wall during the last weeks of June. So, for the purpose of caring for myself and my mental, I permitted myself to have a "f*** it" month in July.

For July, I vowed to go slow, to stop worrying about making extra money, forcing creative ideas, etc. I sometimes get so bogged down with making things happen that I forget the benefits of doing the least. And I must say, keeping it simple in July has already produced immense benefits. I've gotten some much-needed rest, am more present with loved ones, developed an improved skin routine, calmed my anxiety, and gained clarity on what I want to focus on for the remainder of this year.

I tailored my schedule for Essence Festival weekend to reflect my July month of "f*** it." I signed up for a sound bath event to celebrate the festival and 5th birthday of a beauty boutique I love and frequent here in New Orleans (and even wrote about in Essence Magazine - yay me!). During the sound bath session, the leader encouraged us to "take our time" because we will eventually get whatever we are supposed to have. That resonated with me and affirmed my July month of "f*** it."

Reminding myself to take my time has helped my nervous system and enhanced my faith walk. My days are even more intentional and are primarily about feeding my soul whatever it needs. I plan to continue the month like this and even try to incorporate spurts of "f*** it" moments in the coming months. It takes courage to let the things go that plague our minds and trigger our anxiety daily, but if I plan to not only live long but to live a life of quality, I must be brave enough to say "f*** it," mean it, and follow it with action.

Remember, just as hustling is productive, so is resting.

P.S. - Stay tuned for info on our next BWFS event. Coming soon!

Peace and Blessings,

- Samjah Iman

After 30 years, I Ended It

I recently just ended a relationship with a longtime friend of over 30 years. He and I had been in each other's lives, but never really took the time until recently to unpack one another in a way that would be worthy of the title friend. It wasn’t until we decided to delve into a romantic relationship that I realized that our relationship as friends was superficial. Ouch! We initially met when I was at the tender age of 2 and according to my mom it was an instant connection. He even drove me home in his battery-powered whip, reserved for the coolest of kids in the neighborhood, as our moms watchfully walked behind and chatted, tickled at the strong bond they had just witnessed their toddlers make. We went through puberty together; I was his prom date his junior year, and as adults, we both navigated the grief of divorce and became single parents. 

I was so sure this man knew all my ins and outs; spending hours on the phone listening to my preferences in men while another one “bit the dust” in my dating escapades. Before the romance, we were friends, so I didn’t hold back when discussing my relationship woes that were always met by reassurance and encouragement. He was always so supportive of me, and I always felt like he wanted the best for me, so at the top of the year, I didn’t hesitate to delve into exploring more with him, given the assumption that his personal knowledge of me would be an asset to our relationship. I was open, he was my friend, and I have the philosophical conviction that the best relationships are built on friendship. So why not? We’re friends. We shared the same common mission in life which was to buy land and build a sustainable homestead, but as time went on, I wasn’t sure that we both “submitted to the mission” as our sister in Baduism so eloquently laid out for us in a Breakfast Club interview last year.

Of all his flaws, there was one deal breaker I couldn't get with for the life of me. He couldn’t take feedback. Throughout the course of our short relationship, there were a few times when I didn’t agree with something he did and his attitude towards me expressing and reiterating my needs was often met with denial, agitation, and subtle aggression that so strongly alerted my spirit that our final disagreement ended in me leaving his home abruptly and subsequently ending the relationship. Each time I observed his behavior towards me during times of disagreement, my intuitive nudges would get stronger. I often wondered “who is this person and where is my friend of over 30 years?” He was nowhere to be found and it was evident that much work needed to be done in order to actively be a partner in tough moments. The idea that a relationship was good as long as there were no disagreements wasn't rational or sustainable to me. I’m a realist, and what was and still is real to me is that I deserve more. I desire a partner who can not only take feedback but actively work with me as an adult to find a solution, someone who sees my needs as valid and actively wants to fulfill them for the good of the collective mission and relationship. 

As I look back over this experience, I’m grateful, but I also can’t help but to reflect on the places where I missed the signs. While I am happy that I was brave enough to explore this experience with him, I feel like I could have gone my whole life without having this experience. There were parts that were helpful, there were parts that were hurtful, and there were parts where I didn’t feel the safest, but I traveled to the end of that horizon knowing more about myself and what I needed within a relationship so I’ll consider that a win. 

I want to share 3 key takeaways from my experience in making my longest friend my man, my man, my man:

1. Time does not dictate how well someone knows you or themselves. Just because someone has been in your life for a long time, it doesn’t mean that they’re actively working to understand you better or understand themselves better. 

2. Vulnerability should be met with vulnerability. We all deserve someone who can hear us clearly and respond accordingly. If you can’t be vulnerable with your mate about your feelings, who can you be vulnerable with?

3. Emotional maturity has to be honed daily. I don’t think that my ex is a bad person. I think that there are some glaring things that he needs to work on to improve his quality of life and relationships. If someone doesn’t have the emotional maturity to handle your truth, then more than likely, they won’t be able to appreciate your evolution.

Overall, I’ve learned that freedom sometimes comes with goodbyes. There are people in your life that are meant to be for a lifetime and some are seasonal. I find as I open up more to becoming a new version of myself, there were people on my journey who no longer served my highest good, but it took me making better decisions and abandoning my past toxic behavior to see that. I wish the best for my ex, but I will not stay in a space at the detriment of my overall well-being. I pray it’s not an option for you either. 

Xoxo,

Chaila. 

Even When You Don’t Like Yourself, Do The Work.

We recently posted a snippet of an interview on our Instagram featuring Quinta Brunson and Oprah Winfrey, where Brunson made a powerful statement about liking yourself. When Winfrey asked, “What question do you think every woman should ask herself?” Brunson replied, “Do I like myself? Do I really like myself when I’m in my room by myself? When I’m with myself, do I like who I am?” I pondered her question and thought that even though I like myself most of the time, sometimes it’s hard - but I still show the hell up for me. 

I think about how we (Black women) present ourselves to the world, masquerading behind cute hairstyles, trendy clothing, and makeup-clad faces. Of course, dressing nicely and being put together makes us feel good about ourselves, as it should. But how do we feel about ourselves when shit ain’t going right? When the makeup can’t cover up a broken heart? When the math ain’t mathing? When we make mistakes, tussle with sexism, constantly encounter racism, are emotionally (or physically) abused by a lover, when our dreams are deferred, and when we are constantly undermined by society, do we still feel like we are worthy? Truthfully, it’s hard to keep your self-admiration healthy when dealing with the abovementioned woes; that’s why it’s important to constantly show up for us, even when we are at our worst. 

For example, still, perform your skin routine if you don’t feel cute on a particular day. If your weight doesn’t align with your goal, still exercise. If your emotions aren’t stable, journal or talk to someone. You get where I’m going with this. We may not always feel good about ourselves, but we still need to perform actions that benefit our well-being. After all, liking yourself is not just about saying you do; it’s about doing the work to SHOW that you do.

Yes, take mental health breaks when you need them. But after the break, show up because you have work to do. The work we do when we don’t feel up to it aids us in being healthier and better emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. And this is crucial for a better us, our families, and our community. 

It’s easy to like ourselves when everything is going well, but the real work happens when we are in the trenches. And we must do the job through all of our emotions. 

Show up, sis, even when it’s tough. 

On another note, our Waiting to Exhale private screening event was soul-fulfilling! The movie sparked much-needed conversation, and Dr. Danielle Wright was phenomenal. Check out her blog post about the movie and private screening here. We will keep you posted on the next event! 

- Samjah Iman

“He’s A Good Man, Savannah!”

Where were you when the classic film Waiting to Exhale debuted? I was 13 years old. Somewhere between mastering puberty and jamming out to the ever-popular R&B group TLC. I didn’t know a thing about the complexities of Black women. My only concerns were getting the latest Air Max sneakers and drawing up a masterful plan to bump into my crush.

I grew up seeing many books sprawled around the house because my mother was/is an avid reader. While I can’t recall every book I encountered, I remember seeing many Terry McMillan novels. Her book covers drew me in as they were always vibrant and colorful and often featured beautifully sketched Black women. When one of her books, Waiting to Exhale, was adapted into a film, my mother and her friends rushed to the theaters to see it. I didn’t catch it until it was available on VHS. And when I saw the movie and heard the soundtrack, my affinity for Black women grew deeper.

One of the most magical things about the movie’s emphasis on sisterhood is that it still binds Black women together almost two decades later. At some point, we've all seen someone we know in these characters. They're us, our mothers, our grandmothers, and our aunts. We've witnessed their heartbreaks just as we've witnessed our own, and we celebrated their newfound freedom in cutting cords with societal and familial expectations just as we do now at Black Women For Self. 

Waiting to Exhale isn't just a movie; it’s a full-circle moment that spans generations of our present day. Within the movie are nuggets of wisdom waiting to be revealed no matter what stage of life we're in. It speaks to Black women, their sensibilities, the pressures they endure, and the beautiful process of letting it all go in a way that finally serves us and our vision of life. After all, we're all journeying through life, only keeping the things we need and releasing what no longer serves us, just as they did in this film. 

In celebration of this film and to be intentional about our girl time, Black Women For Self will be hosting a private screening and discussion of the movie this month. I can almost guarantee something new will be learned about yourself and those around you at this screening on April 20th in New Orleans, LA.

Dr. Danielle Wright (a mental health phenom) will join us in digging deep into the crux of this movie as it relates to self-care and sisterhood. Trust me; you don't want to miss this opportunity to relive the 90s with one of the most iconic movies of our culture. 

This event is invite-only, but we are opening up a few slots to our subscribers because y’all deserve first dibs. If you’re interested in attending, email us at info@blackwomenforself.org to claim your spot. Remember, we are only holding a few spots for you, so jump on emailing us fast!

See ya at the movies!

Samjah + Chaila

5 Takeaways From The “Life Is A Journey And So Is Your Hair…” Sister Circle Event

Alexa, play “Don’t Touch My Hair” by Solange.

The Sister Circle hair event vibed like the perfect twist-out on a low-humidity day, and we are still basking in the gems we received from the event!

The sisters got together on February 17th and had a soulful discussion about the many facets of our beautiful tresses. Led by the Mane Coach herself, Ashlee Rene’, the information, stories, hair facts, and discoveries were invaluable. Jump in below to read up on five takeaways from the “Life is a journey and so is your hair…” Sister Circle Event.

5 Takeaways

1. Fall in Love with the Foundation. Black women have had to work hard to mentally tear down negative social constructs about our hair, which has led some of us to conform to society’s European beauty standards. Wearing weaves, braids, silk presses, etc., is fun. But before we venture into those spicy styles, let’s ensure our relationship with our natural hair is healthy. It’s one thing to wear different hairdos simply because we desire to express our creativity. But it’s another thing to rock these styles to cover up insecurities (this excludes women who suffer from alopecia, are going through chemo, etc.). 

2. Hair Care is Self-care. Taking care of your hair is an important part of your hygiene process that you should honor with adequate time and keen focus. Ashlee Rene’ suggests setting the mood with music, candles, or whatever else brings you Zen while you wash, nurture, and perfect your tresses.

3. Learn Your Hair. Cultivate an intimate relationship with your hair. Learn what works for your hair and what doesn’t. Don’t rely on hairstylists to maintain your tresses. In an unexpected event like a pandemic, you should be able to keep your hair healthy.  

4. Be an Advocate for Your Hair. Just like we need to advocate for our bodies, health, coins, and everything else, we must also advocate for our hair. Often, we leave the fates of our hair up to professionals when we should be the ultimate decision-makers regarding our manes. No one should know our hair better than us because it’s ours. 

5. Invest in Your Hair. Just like you spend money on going to expensive restaurants and buying pricey clothes, you should also spend top dollar for quarterly hair maintenance (unless you know how to keep it up yourself). Seek out a hairdresser with a great reputation and a specialty in healthy hair. Pay the price to keep your hair in shape to avoid damage or breakage. 

   To learn more about maintaining your hair’s health, follow Ashlee Rene’.

Stay tuned for the announcement of our next event!

"Life is a Journey and so is Your Hair…" Sister Circle Tea!!!!!!!

As the daughter of an old-school beautician, y'all have no idea how hyped I am to write this blog and introduce the upcoming Black Women For Self Sister Circle (read on for details!). Much like many other Black women, there was a time when my life absolutely revolved around my hair and still does to some extent. If you've ever gotten the perm too soon, or didn't know what your natural hair looked like until later in life, or are just learning how to really take care of your hair because of a desire to know yourself deeply on all levels, I am right there with you. I am she. I am all of the above. 

From growing up where my length was celebrated but not my texture to loc'ing my hair at age 32 and cutting all the locs off at 36, I can truly say that my life's journey and hair journey have been synonymous. As MANE Focus Coach Ashlee René would say, "Life is a journey and so is your hair…" and it's the truth, the truth, and nothing but the truth, especially for Black women. Our hair is simply more and always has been. It's why the Tignon Law was established in Louisiana in 1786, and it's why we are still pressing all 50 states to pass the Crown Act in 2024. Not only does our hair tell a story about who we are, but we radiate next-level confidence when we rock our favorite looks; we are unstoppable, and maybe that's why the world was and forever will be up in arms about Black hair. 

What I'm most excited about is that Black Women For Self has scored an exclusive, sit-down discussion with Natural Hair Expert Ashlee René to untangle the complexities (pun intended) of our hair as Black women, societal influences, and how our crowns can become our most cherished component of self-expression while also keeping a healthy self-image and head of hair. I would absolutely bet my last dollar that this Sister Circle will be one for the books. 

Not only has Ashlee René beautifully grown and maintained her own MANE, but she is also proactively teaching other Black women to do the same under her expert guidance, all while weaving in her sage wisdom and timeless spiritual adages. She truly knows hair and the complexities of being at the intersection of Blackness and womanhood in America. Ashlee René is truly a visionary; her insight is trustworthy and highly sought after. She's such a profound human being, and Black Women For Self is excited to share her wisdom, knowledge, and resources with our biggest supporters. 

Come and get the Ashlee René experience as we discuss hair, self-image, hair health, and everything in between, leveraging her expertise and wisdom on February 17th, 2024, from 6-8:30 PM. Because Life is a Journey and so is your Hair! Register now with this link!

PS: If you're looking for even more intentionality, vision, and focus in your life, the Twenty Twenty Vision Journals by Ashlee René are where it's at! Get yours here!

We look forward to seeing you there, as always!

- Chaila Renee Scott

10 Workout Ideas For The Black Woman Who Hates The Gym

Nothing irritates me more than a packed gym at the beginning of a new year or any time. Yes, I'm glad everyone is taking charge of their health, but do we all have to do it at the same gym simultaneously? There is something intensely irritating to me about having to drive myself to a gym, sign in, wait for a machine, and suffer through small talk with weight experts. I prefer to work out in solitude or with a small class while enjoying the absence of clanking machines, sweat aromas, constant chit-chatter, and lackluster playlists. 

If you are a gym head, no disrespect - everything isn't for everybody. But if you share my sentiments, then keep reading. 

While trying to get to know myself, I've also discovered which form of exercise keeps me interested, all while working my mind and body. Self-care has everything to do with caring for your body, and BWFS is heavy on maintaining excellent health. If you are looking for ways to expand your exercise regimen but don't want to necessarily commit to a gym because of the reasons I listed above and more, check out a list of alternative exercises that you may find both productive and fun. 

10 Workout Ideas For the Anti-Gym Black Woman

1. Pole Dancing: Pole dancing is a fun and empowering workout that helps build strength, flexibility, and confidence. Yes, you will do this in a class setting, but it will probably be far from a gym atmosphere, and you can make it into a cute girl's weekly workout. 

2. Hula Hooping: Hula hooping is an exciting and productive way to work your core muscles and improve coordination. It can be done with a regular or weighted hula hoop for added resistance.

3. Trampoline Fitness: Trampoline workouts are low-impact and fun. They help improve cardiovascular fitness, balance, and coordination.

4. Walking: Walking is a simple and effective exercise that can be done anywhere. It helps improve cardiovascular health, strengthen leg muscles, and boost mood.

5. Cycling: Cycling can be done outdoors or on a stationary bike. It helps improve cardiovascular health, leg strength, and endurance. 

6. Yoga: Yoga is a great exercise focusing on flexibility, strength, and balance. It can help improve posture, reduce stress, and increase body awareness. You can find a yoga class on YouTube or sign up for a virtual yoga class here. 

7. Pilates: Pilates is centered around core strength, flexibility, and body alignment. It helps improve posture, balance, and muscle tone.

8. Dance Workouts: Dancing is an enjoyable and effective way to stay active at home. You can follow along with dance workout videos or create a dance routine independently. Dancing helps improve cardiovascular fitness, coordination, and mood.

9. Jumping Rope: Jumping rope is a simple cardio exercise that can be done indoors or outdoors. It helps improve cardiovascular fitness, coordination, and leg strength.

10. Bodyweight Exercises: Bodyweight exercises require no equipment and can be done anywhere. Examples include squats, lunges, push-ups, planks, and burpees. These exercises help build strength and improve overall fitness.

Remember, excellent health starts with monitoring what you put in your body, what you feed your mind, great rest, and radical self-care. Exercise is secondary. 

Here's to a healthy 2024 that doesn't require us to step one foot in the gym!

- Samjah Iman

5 Key Takeaways from Our Holiday Grief Sister Circle:

The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. However, for many individuals, this time of year can be a painful reminder of loss and grief. Holiday grief, the experience of mourning and sadness during the festive season, can be incredibly challenging for Black women who face unique societal pressures and expectations. From the weight of historical trauma to the burden of caregiving responsibilities, Black women often find themselves navigating a complex web of emotions during this time. 

Grief is a universal experience that affects individuals from all walks of life. However, when it comes to Black women, the intersectionality of their identities adds unique layers to the grieving process. To shed light on this topic, Mental Health Clinician Vanice Zenon recently led our first of many Sister Circle sessions entitled: Navigating Holiday Grief: A Grief and Growth Sister Circle for Coping During the Holidays, moderated by Kortlynn Jenae and hosted by Black Women For Self. This empowering gathering aimed to explore the intricacies of grief, debunk misconceptions, and provide valuable tools and resources for Black women navigating their grief journey.

Here are 5 Key Takeaways that Summarized Our Experience:

1. Understanding the Intersectionality of Black Women and Grief:

Black women often face a multitude of challenges when it comes to grieving. The session delved into the intersectionality of race, gender, and culture, highlighting how these factors influence the grieving process. By acknowledging the unique experiences of Black women, the circle fostered a safe space for open dialogue and healing.

2. Debunking Misconceptions Surrounding Grief:

Society often imposes unrealistic expectations on grieving individuals, and Black women are no exception. The session aimed to debunk common misconceptions surrounding grief, such as the notion that Black women are inherently strong and resilient and, therefore, should not openly express their pain. By challenging these misconceptions, the circle encouraged participants to embrace their vulnerability and seek support when needed.

3. Tools and Resources for Navigating Grief:

The Holiday Grief Sister Circle provided participants various tools and resources to help them navigate their grief journey. Mental Health Clinician Vanice Zenon shared coping strategies tailored to the unique experiences of Black women, emphasizing the importance of self-care, community support, and professional help when necessary. The session also highlighted various resources that can provide ongoing assistance, such as grief support groups, therapy options, and online platforms.

4. The Power of Sisterhood and Community Support:

One of the key takeaways from the session was the power of sisterhood and community support in the healing process. Black Women For Self created a safe and inclusive space where participants could connect, share their stories, and find solace in the shared experiences of others. The circle emphasized the importance of building a support network and seeking solace within a community that understands and validates their grief.

5. Advocacy and Empowerment:

The Holiday Grief Sister Circle provided a healing platform and empowered participants to advocate for themselves and their communities. By addressing the intersectionality of Black women, grief, and socialization, the session encouraged attendees to challenge societal norms, break down stigmas surrounding mental health, and promote open conversations about grief within their communities.

The following resources have been curated and recommended by Clinician Vanice Zenon for your reference and support:

SAMHSA

Good Grief

Psychology Today

The Center for Grief Recovery and Therapeutic Services

Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

The Holiday Grief Sister Circle illuminated the intricate intersectionality between Black women, grief, and socialization. This gathering serves as a reminder that by acknowledging and addressing the unique experiences of Black women, we can hold healing space for one another and build community around our struggles and triumphs. The Sister Circle was a sacred space for Black women to unite, share their pain, and find solace during the holiday season. We reminded ourselves that we are still here, standing, and worthy of love and happiness even amid grief.

Black women deserve to be seen, heard, and supported during the holiday season and beyond. 

- Chaila Renee Scott

Intentional

As a child, I understood there was something extraordinary about Black women. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I had a deep feeling that they were celestial. I saw them grab life by the collar repeatedly, and they never missed a beat when it came to caring for family and community, all while looking good. I was eager to be a Black woman, to mask life’s struggles under fire-red lipstick and fly hairdo. I couldn’t wait to carry my family on my back like Big Mama. I looked forward to achieving milestones in my career while balancing the precious act of loving a Black man and rearing his children like my mother. I was ready to pray on Sunday, dance on Friday, and hold it down for the neighborhood on Saturday like my aunts.

And then, I became a Black woman/mother/wife/confidant/friend/career woman/community advocate and realized that the weight of being everything to everyone was a health hazard. Helping the community, doing for family, and tending to everyone else’s needs left me little time to myself. I had seen the other women in my family do these things gracefully, or so I thought. What I didn’t know was that they, too, were often attempting to pour from an empty cup, trying to keep up with the debilitating “strong Black woman” façade.

As an adult, I often chat with my friend and business partner Chaila regarding the struggle of breaking free from the need to be that superhero Black woman and being more intentional about taking care of ourselves. And we couldn’t help but wonder how many other Black women needed a push to do the same thing. So, we decided to birth this nonprofit that will force Black women to pour into themselves. A lot of Black women carry health burdens and have died from not making themselves a priority, and our goal is to elongate the lives of Black women by starting a radical self-care revolution that encourages them to release, rest, and pour into themselves. We advocate for the holistic well-being of Black women, recognizing that by investing in ourselves, we can live healthier lives and better serve our families, communities, and society at large.

 We aim to accomplish our mission by conducting quarterly events offering relaxing activities, adventures, forums, exercise/meditation, workshops, in-depth conversations, etc. 

 Since our inception, we have held an introductory event to introduce some women of our New Orleans community to our movement. Our next event will be the first one of our Sister Circle Series, where we plan to delve deep into radical self-care by exploring grief and how it heavily affects our sisters during the holidays (see event section). Our Sister Circle series is a sequence of intimate, in-person conversations. These meetups promote radical self-care by allowing Black women a safe space to vent, learn, share, release, grow, etc. while dissecting various topics.

 We thank you for subscribing to our newsletter and joining our radical self-care movement. Our hope is that this organization spreads all over the world. We also hope you, too, will become more intentional about yourself and make sure you prioritize you.

- Samjah Iman